"A Pictoral History of the House of Clocks and its Collections" (House
of Clocks Press, 1965) was compiled from the notes of a group of
academics from a variety of fields, who were approached by the
proprietor of the house to aid with the ongoing (and apparently
dangerous) task of auditing the museum. It seems that all previous
attempts to describe, annotate and enumerate the exhibits failed
miserably and sometimes with a corresponding loss of life, limb or
timepiece. The academics (a many headed hydra in mortar boards, black
cloaks and chalk dust) disappeared into the depths of the Storage and
Containment room and five days later the first calligraphic stock
reports appeared on the front desk.  Since the initial audit and
corresponding printing of the catalogue, other experts have joined the
team and second, third and fourth editions can now be purchased from
the giftshop. Most of the descriptions of the collections and exhibits
are taken from the forth edition.  These are just some of the
highlights that curious visitors may want to examine at their leisure
(safety equipment can be hired from the giftshop for a small fee).

BIOGRAPHIES:

Here are thumbnail biographies of some of the contributors to this
monumental work.

Capt. S. S. Hendley: While appearing to be a man of considerable age when he
was involved in the initial 1964-5 audit, he continues to
out-live his more youthful and more esteemed colleagues. There is no
evidence of any licence or certification for his work in
PsychoChronology and he has had to fight a number of accusations of
fraud in the courts and on the duelling field. His rank is doubtful at
best. His claims to be a gentleman appear to be based on little more
than his abilities as a brandy drinker. The Captain's
psychochronlogical investigations fall into two categories:
psychological treatment of patients afflicted by ailments involving
the effects of time, and the treatment of ailing temporal bodies
afflicted by individuals. His charges are reasonable but perhaps
immoral. There is a photograph above the main stairway in the house of
clocks which is believed to show an elderly Margaux Brown handing a
boiled egg to Capt.  Hendley. The Captain, characteristically
unhelpful, offers no explanation.

Mordecai Mulroney: Noted chiefly for his brief mention in Josiah
Chadwicks notorious 1852 tract, "101 Arguments for the Introduction of
the Gallows into our Public Schools," the late Mr. Mulroney was also a
horologist of some repute.  His was a lifetime spent studying
chronographs and devising ingenious contraptions to alleviate
household labour, up until his untimely death in the summer of 1894
when he appears to have been violently decapitated while demonstrating
a poorly-conceived moustache-grooming device of his own construction.
Popular myth holds that Mr. Mulroney's false teeth of polished
mahogany were later discovered under a juniper bush in an adjacent
street.
Following his demise, a number of papers were found in his possession which 
appeared to describe various time-pieces, many of which have subsequently 
found their way into the exhibit halls of the House of Clocks.  How it is 
possible for Mr. Mulroney to have described in such detail the history of 
pieces he had never seen, often commenting on events which, from his 
temporal perspective, were yet to occur, remains a mystery.  To this day 
many of his writings remain in storage, even now waiting to be examined and 
catalogued.
In these papers Mr. Mulroney demonstrates a flagrant disregard for the 
proper conventions of grammar, often alternating between the past, present 
and future tense within the space of a sentence.  These errors have been 
corrected by the staff at the House of Clocks, and Mr. Mulroneys persistent 
references to the invigorating properties of arsenic have been excised 
entirely.

Sir Peachy Carnehan has, in his short lifetime been accused without
cause of blackmail, horse thievery, running a floating brothel and
gambling den, the worship of alien deities, treason, and being a papal
sympathizer as well as a member of a renegade lodge of Freemasons in
India. In an interview with the Evening Standard shortly before his
untimely death by trampling, Sir Carnehan lamented the destruction of
his reputation. "I am the victim of a plot so well-organized and
inspired in its execution that if I were not the victim of it I would
certainly congratulate its architect." Sir Carnehan's work on the
House of Clocks directories has been voluminous, especially
posthumously.

Joshua ben Levi is the author of 'Time Beyond the Limitless Light, an
understanding of eternity through the Kabbalah' (first printed in
1968), and former professor of Xenotemporal Studies at Gan E'den
University in Israel before his unfortunate dismissal.  In the
subsequent decades his position at the university has yet to be
filled, as no one with his particular credentials has surfaced to
resume classes and/or the search for the missing students.  As with
many visitors and academicians that happen upon The House Of Clocks,
Joshua ben Levi seemed both filled with reverence and dread.  Speaking
cryptically in hushed tones to the other scholars before entering, ben
Levi was overheard saying "In equal measures time spills upon our
brows and upon our feet.  But within these cloistered halls shall we
carefully sip from the cup or shall we shatter the vessel with Noah's
drunken excesses?"
In 1993 a group of Catholic and Jewish scholars in the process
translating newly discovered sections of the Dead Sea Scrolls,
contacted the proprietor of The House of Clocks with a puzzling entry
discovered within the ancient text.  One of the most remarkable
aspects is the entry's occasional uses of Arabic numerals and Roman
characters to create what seems to be a serial number.  The
translation team was able to reconscile some differences in the text
after a former Chicago resident, Father Horace Malloy, made the leap
of faith that the translation of 'The abode located in the western
land of many times kept within tools and measured by the same' should
be read "The House of Clocks".  After a pilgrimage to the Shambles,
all the translators were able to agree in part on the third and final
translation of what many biblical scholoars now refer to as "The ben
Levi Hoax".  Apparently still disgruntled after his release from Gan
E'den University, Mr. ben Levi used his former office in the
authorship of this "hoax".

  Eliot Thad Gilvie inherited the clock, 'The Second's Sweep,'
(HOC360601) in 1956 after the death of his (in)famous grandfather,
wealthy scoundrel Helmut Holzuhr.  A year later, his family's house
was robbed, the clock taken with all of the rest of their belongings.
  Eliot was single-minded; he had to find that clock.  He lost touch
with his family and friends, earned a degree in Horology from the
University of New Hampshire (a later investigation confirmed his claim
despite the fact that UNH never had a horology department), never held
down a job, and stole all of his food and clothing. He grew tall, but
weak, and his black black hair turned stark white.
  He trained himself so that he could keep track of time without
mechanical aid.  He learned to regulate his breath, and make his heart
beat once a second.  He practiced to blink only once a minute, and to
yawn and stretch only on the hour.  He ate at 7AM, noon, and 5PM
exactly, and he slept from exactly 10PM to 6AM.
At the sightest rumor he pursued all manners of horological
curiosities, the cute and grotesque, the abstract and maniacal,
looking for his clock, the clock.
  A week after he found 'The Second's Sweep,' he showed up on the
doorstep to the House of Clocks.  As he smoothed the last white wisps
of hair to his head and moved along spryly on his cane, he worked his
gums loudly to no one in particular, "And I was sure this would wait
until after my sixteenth birthday next week.  Just goes to
show you, time waits for no man . . . to predict it perfectly,
however, if you carry the one, and with the wind blowing from the
north, and the election still going left while the Sox are out of the
pennant race . . . the coefficient of nature divided by the circuitry
of Escher's Platonic Solid Milk Chocolate kleingelded Eunuch's
brbblegrtch . . ."

  Gamaliel R. Devon II lived in the Shambles all his life, and has
continued to live there after his death. He may even have been born
there, although some argue the correct term would be "spawned."
  His early school career was undistinguished except for the unfortunate 
fifth-year incident with the tumbril, and he graduated cum laude from St. 
Salmydessus University with degrees in Fine Arts and Necromancy.
  In an attempt to merge these two interests, Devon staged several 
controversial gallery exhibitions. The works, especially the famous 
"rag-and-bone shop, heart #17", were brilliant by any standard. However, 
these shows proved to be financially impractical as well as messy, and 
Devon's art career was definitively ended when the Shambles Commissioner of 
Public Health was forced to close the final exhibit.
  Gamaliel was later persuaded to join the International Brotherhood of 
Meatworkers, and was well-known around the Shambles for his charitable work 
during the Annual Sirloin Festival, especially the door-to-door meat drives.
  He was found murdered in his home last Tuesday evening. According to the 
police officer that investigated the mysterious circumstances of his death, 
"The Brotherhood is Merciful. So many goldfish."
  Gamaliel has once again become a central figure in activist movements. 
Currently, he is a union organizer for the International Brotherhood of 
Late Meatworkers; he also sits on the Shambles Bicycle Path Council. His 
interest in clocks and other timepieces is a relatively recent one. 
Happily, all the doctors say it may soon blossom into an obsession.
  In his spare time, he enjoys playing the shawm, learning Basque, and 
making small children scream.